Making contact in teams

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We were an HR leadership team for a business unit within a parent organization, and we were tight. We experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows—including a brutal drumming by our new BU president—and each win and loss brought us closer together.

When I look back I remember the key moments and the deep care we developed for each other, but I wasn’t able to completely articulate what was so special until an experience I had last month. What I understand now is that the team was deeply in contact, allowing each of us to feel not only supported but also seen for who we truly were.

Last month I attended a retreat in the countryside north of London with a group of brilliant team coaches. The premise of our work was based on some clinical psychological principles that have application in a business context. A key concept that echoed throughout our week was the idea of being truly “in contact” with others, and how that can strengthen teams. I emerged deeply curious about how to bring this into my work.

Simply put, being "in contact" basically means being fully present and engaged with another person (and/or with your environment) right now. You’re not stuck in your head, not performing, and not on autopilot. It’s being fully checked in and deeply here, far more than just active listening.

A few things that make up true contact:

During the retreat I experienced the power of contact. In pairs, small groups and large groups, we practiced the concepts of being aware, present, and responsive. We role-modeled for each other. And whether it was a 30-minute 1:1 dialogue with someone I’d just met, hours with my small group, or daily check-ins and check-outs with the full cohort, the practice of being in contact left us deeply connected and feeling seen.

And isn’t that what we all want? To feel seen?

I see connection as the backbone of strong teams: connection to self, each other, and the business. But how do you get to a truly powerful level of connection? What I’m thinking about now is how to encourage teams to build their capability and capacity to be in contact, and how that can accelerate the move along the team performance curve from forming to performing.

In a simple example, imagine a team working session where, before you get to the status updates, each team member raises what’s most present (i.e. on their mind) with them today, and is honest about how they’re feeling about and reacting to it. What if the others, rather than trying to solve the problem, deeply listen without judgment? And what if this same approach was used in one-on-one conversations as well?

If your team took time to be truly in contact with each other, what might be possible?

Here’s something you can try with your team, colleague, or even a friend or spouse, so that you can explore the idea of being “in contact.” Keep in mind the need to be highly self-aware of your own reactions, emotions and thinking in the present moment.

Feels like a lot of time? Set the expectation for about a minute a person, and you can start and role-model it. It will feel awkward the first time, but will get easier with practice.

And after a few times doing this, check in with yourselves. As you commit to this practice of contact, how does it change your connection? And how does the shift in connection change your results?

That’s it for this month. I’d love to share more with you about the experience, what I’ve learned, and how I’m using it with teams. This is just a small taste of what we experienced, so give me a shout if you’d like to talk about it. And if you try the exercise above, I’d love to hear how it goes. Otherwise, I’ll see you next month with more perspectives on leadership teams and the leaders on them.

📖 What I’m reading: In July I read Ann Patchett’s latest, Whistler. I thought it was … ok. That said, I read her book Bel Canto nearly two decades ago and still think about it, which is impressive given that I have book amnesia. And I loved last year’s Tom Lake.

🎧 What I’m listening to: I recently listed to The Day the World Came to Town: 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland. If you need to be reminded of how incredibly compassionate humans can be to each other, give it a read or listen. I definitely want to see the musical based on the book, and I’m thinking about a trip to Newfoundland.

✈️ Where I’ve traveled: The trip to the UK was delightful, albeit hot. I met so many wonderful people at the retreat, and then got to spend 2 nights with friends in London. The highlight was a 3-hour walk-and-talk with their 16-year old daughter, a true experience of the beauty of being in contact with someone dear. Also, if you want to get a cocktail at an incredibly cool bar, check out Larry’s Bar in the basement of the National Portrait Gallery. (Also, air conditioning for the win!)

🌐 Website I’m visiting: I learned recently that NASA has a website where they post an astronomy picture of the day, and you can search by date all the way back to June 1995. Pick a date that has meaning to you to see what the cosmos had in store, and then make what meaning of it what you will.